Quit Your Complaining
Dumb and Dumber: Making any of these stupid job search mistakes?


Quit Your Complaining

Hate whiners? Their constant moaning and complaining can cast a pall over any situation. You would never impose your bad feelings on others the way they do.

But things have been tough lately. The economy's in the toilet, you can't remember your last raise, and the free coffee machine has been removed from the break area. Your spouse has been complaining about your long hours at work. Your desk chair is broken, and nobody seems to be responding to your request for a replacement. And you caught yourself complaining about it this morning to the person in the next cubicle. For the third time.

Quietly, gradually, against your better judgment and through no fault of your own, you have joined the ranks of the whiners.

Why do we complain?

We know that it rarely has any effect on what we are complaining about. We know it antagonizes people. It doesn't even make us feel better. Yet sometimes it's hard to avoid.

When we complain, it's often to relieve stress and pressure. We sometimes do it to seek validation. And sometimes, we compete for the dubious distinction of whose job/life/workload is the worst. It's natural.

But it can also undermine your career progression. At work, becoming known as a whiner can:

  • antagonize colleagues;
  • damage your prospects for inclusion in desirable projects, raises or promotions;
  • lead to bad reviews and references when you move on; and
  • pit managers against you, because negativity can be contagious--souring the atmosphere of a whole department.

Remember, though, the fact that you see a problem is not the issue; it's what you're doing about it. Good managers do not blame people for identifying areas for improvement in the workplace. They do, however, expect employees to deal with issues or problems in a constructive way. And broadcasting your complaints to colleagues is not constructive.

Here are five things you should stop complaining about at work...and five positive things you should be doing instead.

  1. Your salary. Think you're worth more than you're being paid? Most of us do. The fact is, wages in the U.S. have been essentially flat for about a decade. So if you haven't seen your pay go up in a while, you're in very good company.
    If others around you are being paid more than you are for similar work, then maybe it's time to ask for a raise. But before you do so, take a good hard look at yourself and your work. Try to take the company's perspective. Are you adding value? Don't expect to get a raise just for hanging around.

    Companies pay people--and increase their pay--based on the value of their work. It could be that you are adding value that is being overlooked; if so, it's up to you to quantify your accomplishments and make your case. But it's also possible that you need to up your game. Focus your energy not on complaining about your pay, but on earning that raise.

  2. Too much work. It's like an epidemic: we are all just busy, busy, busy. And boy, do we love to complain about it.
    Outwardly, people are likely to sympathize when you tell them how overworked you are. But do you know what they're really thinking? They are thinking that you manage your time poorly. Or that your priorities are off. Unless you are a single mom with triplets who is being forced to take on the workload of three vacationing colleagues, nobody really cares about your workload. Instead of complaining, try to do something about it.

    Make lists. Check things off as you accomplish them. Eliminate time-sucking distractions like Facebook and Twitter. Prioritize. You can't do everything, and you shouldn't try. If you put the most important tasks at the top of your list and tackle them first, then you won't get dragged down by feelings of failure--even if you never reach the bottom of your list.

  3. Your workspace. It's easy to find colleagues who will commiserate with you about an ugly/uncomfortable/poorly equipped/too small office. After all, they're suffering too! But recognize that office space is expensive, and that you may not see any major changes for a while--if ever. An ongoing pity party will just make you all feel worse.

    Instead, why not make a few changes yourself? Dress up your cubicle with posters and a plant. If you don't like the temperature, bring in a fan or a heater. And if your employer has cut back on perks like free coffee or snacks, band together with your colleagues to replace the service. Chip in for a coffee maker and take turns bringing supplies. Set up a rotating cookie calendar. You might find that taking care of each other builds community.

  4. Your life. Oh, this is a tough one. We all need an understanding pat on the back once in a while. But recognize that even if people listen to your complaints about your lazy husband/annoying mother/health problems/rickety car/spoiled kids, most of the time they would prefer you keep it to yourself. Once in a while is fine, but complaining every day will test even the most empathetic co-worker's patience.

    Remember this point, as well: offering too much information to too many people is unprofessional and does not reflect well on your personal discretion.

    You do have friends, however, and they are happy to listen to your problems--on your lunch break. Listen to theirs, too. It's called supporting each other, and when it's mutual, and doesn't detract from work, it can be very helpful.


  5. Your boss. This one should go without saying. There is just no way that you can derive any benefit from complaining to colleagues about your boss. It's too risky. If you don't like your boss, you really have two choices: find a new job, or find a coping mechanism.

You can't let off steam by complaining, so try another route. Exercise is a good outlet. Competitive sports can work wonders--join a basketball league or a tennis club. Journaling can give you a place to express the anger and rage, and often relieve the stress in the process. Meditation can help. Even deep, conscious breathing works for many people.

Then, when you're calmer, write down the things that you love about your job. If you can't think of any, then it's time to move on. If the list is long, keep it close at hand and look at it whenever you are tempted to complain--about your pay, your workspace, your workload, your life, or your boss. Such a list can keep you sane...and allow you to focus on doing your best possible work, positioning you for the eventual payoff of a raise, a promotion, a better office, or, one day, a brand new job.