We all want to be liked, right?

Except when we don't. You've probably received some mixed messages about whether being likable is a good or a bad thing when you're trying to make your way up in the workplace. Some leaders feel that they must be feared to be successful...and those working on the front lines fear that being likable might make people think you're a pushover.

So here's some good news: research shows that it's good to be liked -- especially when you are looking to be hired or promoted.

It should be noted that women with management aspirations confront a paradox: being likable can enhance your promotability, but some of the very behaviors that are valued at work (such as decisiveness and speaking authoritatively) are viewed more negatively in women. Unfair, but true, according to decades of research.

All the more reason, then, for women to develop habits that can enhance their likability -- even as they zoom to the top.

It may surprise you how small changes in behavior can reap big benefits in popularity. Start with one, and go from there. You may feel awkward at first, but the miracle of the feedback loop will make it easier and easier with each interaction. When people like you, it's easy to be likable!

Listen. Everyone likes to be heard. When you are speaking with someone, whether it's an employee, colleague or job interviewer, focus your attention on that person -- even if it's only for a few moments -- as if the rest of the world did not exist.

Show that you are listening by repeating back what you have heard. Psychologists call it "active listening," and while it looks awkward on paper, in real life it can be magical.

Darcy: What a terrible weekend!
You: Rough weekend, huh?
Darcy: All the kids had the flu!
You: The kids were all sick? That's no fun!

You get the point. Give it a try.

Remember. Perhaps it says something about the inattentiveness of our society, but people LOVE it when you remember things about them from one day to the next. Follow up with Darcy a couple of days later. "How are the kids? Everybody all recovered?"

Make the first move. Waiting for people to come to you may be the "power pose," but if you step forward first and shake hands, say "hello," and generally indicate that you are happy to be speaking with them, you will bring them a world of relief...and positive feelings toward you. Use a respectful, open stance -- no crossed arms. Some even counsel to bow slightly when meeting people. The idea is not to convey submissiveness, but rather openness and respect.

Be positive. How do you behave when the chips are down? If you can maintain a positive outlook and demeanor in the face of setbacks or challenges, people will be drawn to you. Everybody will want a bit of that positive energy!

Critique with tact. Nobody likes to be criticized. But if you are in a supervisory role, dishing out criticism and corrections is part of your job. If you can do it without offending, not only will you retain your likability, but the impact of your criticism will be greater, because the employee will want to do better in the future.

One way to soften criticism is to share one's own similar mistakes from the past. This shows you empathize with the difficulty of getting it right, and also shows that change is possible.

Another technique is to offer a little "ham on rye." Sandwich your criticism between two compliments. Your employee will know that you aren't only looking for him to fail; you will also recognize his successes.

Be passionate and real. Nobody likes a phony. And while it may seem that we are counseling you to be fake, in fact the opposite is true. By adopting these likability strategies, you will open the door to more genuine and authentic interactions with others in the workplace.

Now that you're connecting with them in a way that's real, let them see your passion about what you do. Passion is magnetic. If you aren't feeling passionate about any element of your work, seek to ignite it. Pay attention to your own reactions throughout the day. Find that moment when you feel good about an accomplishment -- it could be as small as catching a typo, or making a single sale -- and try to understand why that moment made you feel good. Then look for ways to amplify that feeling.

In the end, the positivity and passion that make people like you are the very things that will lead to success.